​DNA Testing: Could You Be Opening Pandora’s Box

You’d have to be living under a rock not to have heard about Ancestry.com or similar companies that conduct DNA testing to track one’s heritage. Ads for the companies are prominently featured on broadcast television, streaming channels, and even on Amazon and FaceBook. Not only that, television programs like Dateline, 20/20, Dr Phil and even the news have done expose`s on how DNA testing has united families and been responsible for solving cold cases.

---

With all the buzz, how could one not be curious? I know I was! My curiosity finally got the better of me earlier this year. After one of the company’s numerous sales throughout the year, my husband purchased my test kit. Coming to the party late, both my parents had already submitted their samples, I kind of felt silly submitting it. I’d grown up knowing my father was “Irish” and my mother was “German” and their test results confirmed those beliefs. I didn’t anticipate any surprises, yet I found myself a little nervous when I received the e-mail that my test results were in.
 
My results indicate that my genetic composition is 39% from Ireland & Scotland, 29% Germanic Europe, 15% England, Wales & Northwestern Europe, 8% Baltics, 7% European Jewish and 2% Eastern Europe & Russia. This is a perfect split between my father and mother’s own profiles. Not only that, when it linked my profile to genetic matches in the system, it confirmed both my mother and father as my mother and father respectively. They’re stuck with me.
 
After reading the results, a calm set over me. I hadn’t realized how nervous I had been since submitting my DNA for testing. Why was I nervous? Because I witness how the trauma this technology can introduce into a family. At least once a week, I have a client who has had their DNA tested that has come back with a surprise. For some it’s that their father isn’t their father. For others, they learn a grandparent isn’t biologically related. Some have even found that they only share one parent with a sibling. In each case, the individual sitting with me has many questions. Questions they hope I can answer.
 
Unfortunately, more times than not I don’t have answers and can only shed a minimal amount of light on the situation. These scenarios are times when it becomes abundantly clear that even though a loved one has passed into a loving realm, his or her personality stays intact. With that in mind, here are a few of the reasons I and my clients don’t get answers:

1. Lips Zipped: Many of the deceased loved ones simply refuse to talk about the situation. I ask questions, they avoid and change the topic. Some have even gone so far as to say, it was a secret while they were alive, and they intend to keep it that way in death. These individuals intend to keep the proverbial skeletons in the closet. And unfortunately, I can’t share what they don’t tell me.  
2. Love Stronger Than Biology: Many fathers have come in and stated, “It doesn’t matter that you weren’t my biological child. You were my son/daughter.” These individuals feel as though the love they felt and shared with the child is all that matters, not the biology. This is especially true in that many times not only are they gone, but the biological relation has also passed. Without relationships to cultivate, they feel as thought the love that existed is what is most important. 
3. Ignorance: In today’s society where sex education is taught beginning in elementary school, it’s hard to believe that someone would not know that sex leads to pregnancy. Yet, some deceased loved ones claim they didn’t know that the “one time” could mean they had a child. The mother truly felt it was her husband’s or boyfriend’s child, and then it turns out it wasn’t. For the father raising another man’s child, some didn’t know their significant other had an affair. And some, had simply just forgotten.  
4. Brainwashed: Because sex outside of marriage used to be taboo, there are individuals who created a story regarding what happened and after telling the story hundreds of times it became the truth. These individuals believe the lie they told themselves and even with the scientific proof, they don’t believe it to be true.  
5. Embarrassment: This is what I hear from the mothers questioned more than the fathers. They are embarrassed because they feel as though they have committed a cardinal sin. Because of that, they don’t want to talk about it. After-all, we have to remember many of these individuals come from a generation where there were three things people didn’t talk about: politics, religion and SEX.

 
In all cases, the individuals questioned could never conceive of a test that would prove someone’s biological make-up. Some wish it didn’t exist and many feel as though it may be better not to know.
 
Which leads to the question, is the testing a good thing? As I said, my results came back with no surprises so I’m not really a good judge. From what I witness with my clients and husband, who was surprised by some of his results, it makes me wonder. Perhaps one should just be prepared, you may open a can of worms… one that if you go to a medium, your loved ones may not be willing to shed light on.