Due to a situation that arose this morning, I have been pondering how amazing it is that we allow others to define how we view and feel about ourselves. Even strangers and acquaintances who don’t really matter.
Over the past two months, I have been going back and forth with health insurance companies and the New York State Health Exchange to sort out an issue with my daughter’s health insurance. At the end of last year there was a clerical oversight and paperwork glitch which ultimately resulted in my daughter’s coverage being terminated. Premiums were paid. Assumptions were made that everything was in the clear. That is until I received a call early February from her pediatrician informing us that a claim had been denied. It’s been a hassle ever since trying to get it resolved.
I’ve been patient and I’ve been understanding, giving the organizations involved time to process the paperwork necessary – I’m not unreasonable I know things don’t happen overnight.
The patience ran out today.
What triggered that? This morning I received notice from the state that our request had been processed. Not a call like had been promised. And what they processed was exactly what we had requested NOT happen.
So I called. Again. And, was triaged to the appropriate department. Again. And, When the representative from that department answered, I apologized in advance for getting frustrated explaining this has been a long and stressful process. He then made it more stressful.
After explaining the situation. Explaining what I received this morning and inquiring what we may be able to do about it, he coldly responded, “That is a ridiculous and odd request. Issues like yours would have been resolved months ago. Don’t you think it is odd that you are only now bringing it to our attention?”
Shocked. Thinking he must not have understood the issue, I frantically reiterated that I had been going back and forth with the health insurances for almost two months to get this resolved. He then retorted, “Not that I don’t believe you, but if that was the case it would seem more likely the insurance company would be calling on your behalf.” After stating that, he also countered, “Did you pay your premium?”
Responding that I had. He retorted, “Were they on time?”
I admitted that February was late, but it was because I didn’t realize upon enrolling I needed to pay two months premium. But also added that as soon as I received the notice I caught up immediately.
He cockily responded, “Well there is your problem. You need to talk to the insurance company to sort this out.”
I was infuriated and demanded he put me on with a supervisor. When he told me he didn’t think one would be available but he’d try. I told him not to try, but to do. At which point we stopped listening to one another, he informed me he was hanging up and did.
I was livid. I was in tears. I recognized that perhaps I didn’t handle myself as well as I could have, but this man was condescending and made me feel two inches tall.
That feeling didn’t leave me for hours.
After a couple hours, I became self-aware and knew I had to do something to get out my funk. I decided to reflect upon the situation. Why he responded the way he did. Why I felt the way I did. I was looking for insight.
Thinking about him, I came to the following conclusion. It is my belief that he assumed I am an individual who scams the system. My daughter has Child Health Plus, which is a low cost health care solution for children primarily utilized by the unemployed, underemployed and Medicaid population. But it IS available to all individuals. Because my husband and I are both self-employed and as a result purchase our insurance as individuals, Child Health Plus was the most reasonable and comprehensive insurance solution for her. His comments, especially about our delinquency with payment, I believe support this assumption.
This clarity has helped me understand his actions. Doesn’t mean I think he was right… but at least I see where he is coming from.
On to Me. I recognize that what got under my skin was he made me feel uneducated and a negligent mother. These are both sore spots for me, and he rubbed salt into the wounds. How?
Uneducated. Education was ALWAYS stressed in my family and for a long time I defined myself by my intellect. In fact, one of the hardest emotional obstacles I had to overcome after my car accident was the fact I didn’t complete my undergraduate degree (I since have). More recently, I sometimes struggle since leaving my corporate job to pursue mediumship full time with the thought that my intellect isn’t being challenged. So to be belittled and made to feel like I should have known better, hit a nerve.
A Bad Mother. I think every parent worries they are going to screw up and damage their child. Right now her well-being is a very real concern. Without health insurance, God forbid something happens to her today or tomorrow. As her parent, it is my job to ensure she is taken care of. Right now she’s not. Whose fault is that? Being her parent, I do place that weight on myself. And this thought is confirmed because I know that as a parent I am LEGALLY obligated to keep her insured. Which leads to the concern (however unrealistic), what if CPS were notified and she was taken from me?
The fears. The weaknesses. Things I see in myself. All brought to the surface by one man. One man I spoke to for less than 30 minutes. And, who quite honestly, might not have even given me his real name.
We all have circumstances like this where someone makes us feel less than. Why do we give them that power?
I believe it’s because, as I mentioned, it brings out our inner fears and our perceived weaknesses.
That might be why. It might not. But, what I deem to be more important is the question "What do we do about it?"
First and foremost, we have to recognize that someone has made us feel less than. Acknowledge those feelings and then do a little soul searching. Reflect on why they responded the way they did and then why it made you feel the way it did. It took me a few hours, but I did it.
After that, LET IT GO. The longer you hold on to it, the more pain it can cause, and the more you begin to believe those feelings. Letting it go is quite honestly the reason I’m writing this Blog. Rather than running the conversation with the health exchange and the subsequent conversation with the insurance company over again and again in my head, I’ve organized my thoughts and got them out of my head. Getting them out results in letting it go.
Once it’s let go, it’s time to MOVE ON! While I can’t quite do that yet, I am still dealing with the issue and waiting for the insurance company to call back (hopefully with good news – after hearing what happened with NYS they said they are going to try and pull some strings), what I do plan on doing is not thinking about that A** any more. And perhaps have a dance party with my Baby Girl. Always good to shake it off.
My heart broke for a dear friend when she encountered prejudice regarding her acceptance and belief in mediumship recently. She had innocently posted on her Facebook timeline, “If I was to have a gallery reading party with a medium at my house, who would be interested?”
Almost immediately, she received the following response, “Please don’t. Don’t bring that into your home. You may not understand what you are inviting in.”
This blatantly negative, unaccepting and public response brought tears to my friend’s eyes as the individual who wrote this is considered a good friend. It also struck a chord with her because SHE and HER daughter are incredibly intuitive. And it has not been an easy journey to acceptance.
When I met my friend, she was skeptical (and afraid) of her own gifts. But, because she witnessed her daughter’s stress and anxiety manifesting physically (she was a lip and nail biter) due to her empathic and intuitive abilities, she has worked hard over the years to embrace the gifts; if not for herself, for her daughter.
And you know what? Embracing those gifts worked! Not only have the physical symptoms resolved in her daughter, but she has experienced better health (minus a few falls) as well!
Due to the positive impact this has had on her and her family’s life, she now works to educate and introduce spiritualism to her friends and family. Hence the question, “who would want to come?”
I applaud her for her courage as sharing, sometimes controversial beliefs, is hard. And I weep for her for being met with a hostile environment.
But I didn’t need to weep for too long, for she advocated and explained her beliefs to the woman. And asked her not to agree with or embrace the concept, but rather accept that this is HER belief and trust in her knowing that it comes from a place of love and respect.
Unfortunately, my friend was met with continued criticism and encouraged to “Take a look in your Bible, you will see that it is advised against.” It saddens me that one woman’s beliefs cloud her judgment and acceptance of another’s, especially one she considers a friend.
Now I have to admit, I am not overly familiar with the entirety of the Bible. But, what I have been told by good Catholics is: “Yes the Bible offers warnings for false soothsayers. But, the Bible also speaks of people with special gifts. Those that are able to communicate with Angels and Spirits of the departed. Some of whom have been canonized as Saints. It is not the gift that is to be cautioned against, it is the person.”
I was pleased to see this sentiment echoed by several other of my friend’s friends. One even spoke of Spiritualism and how the beliefs of that religion has brought her closer to God. To Spiritualists, mediumship is PART of their religion. If you are not familiar with Spiritualism, two of the major principles are 1) “We affirm that the existence and personal identity of the individual continue after the change called death” and 2) “We affirm that communication with the so-called dead is a fact, scientifically proven by the phenomena of Spiritualism.” Due to these tenets, demonstrations of mediumship are conducted at every single Spiritualist service.
This situation, while I like to live in my bubble and believe this is the exception to the norm, makes me wonder if my experience of acceptance is actually the exception. I hope in what I do, I can continue to educate, inform and inspire. What pleases me, is I think what I am doing is working as I’m already seeing a ripple effect. My friend stood up for her beliefs despite the hostility and let love and her truth shine.
For those of you who are parents, you know all too well that being a parent is more than a full-time job. It is a 24 hour, 7 day a week, 52 week a year responsibility. Whether my daughter is with me or not, I’m still on duty. Who knows when something might come up that needs the attention only a mother can give. As a result, the phone is always on Just in Case…
Being a medium is kind of the same thing. While I try to take time for the family (and myself), keeping the Spirits around me quiet is sometimes hard to do. You see, because I want to be connected and be alerted by my guides if something needs to be addressed, my “psychic hotline” is always open “just in case.”
As a result, there are occasions while I’m at the grocery store when Spirit approaches me in hopes that I will talk to his/her sister, mother or brother. Or more frequently, a Spirit, waiting for their loved one’s appointment, will pop in early and begin talking with me in hopes of having that appointment come sooner – this happened the other day when a Spirit (at 3am mind you) insisted that I call his wife RIGHT THEN (didn’t happen).
These eager Spirits are kind and usually respectful. In fact, it’s usually MY Spirit family that likes to push the boundaries. For example, my grandfather thinks it is hysterical to pop in with me while I’m in the bathroom taking a shower (a no-no in my house). And my father in law’s favorite time to visit is while my husband and I are lying in bed trying to fall asleep (another no-no). These, however, are the exceptions not the norm. Like I said, Spirit is usually respectful.
Why is that? I think it is because I have learned to say no (one of the hardest things to do). I am protective of my time, being certain to schedule in family and me time and have regular hours during which I will take appointments. And perhaps more importantly I came to the realization that just because the “line” rings, doesn’t mean I have to pick it up. I depend upon my guides to triage these “calls” outside of normal business hours having them serve as my caller id and call forwarding, screening my calls and forwarding those to the appropriate time and place.
This allows me to be open all the time (for my highest and best), and yet at the same time maintain my personal space and not be bombarded by Spirits hoping to get through. My guides are wonderful “bouncers,” being a tough sell to get through.
Now, I just have to remember to trust them. And, more importantly have the restraint not peek at who is calling or why and trust my guides will bring it at the right time. Easier said than done, but I’m working on it! And in the meantime, keeping my line open.
The gift of intuition has truly made parenting my daughter easier. From the day she was born, both my husband and I have been in tune with her. Without a tear or whimper, we’ve been able to tell when she was hungry, sleepy, needed a diaper change or wanted to play. This knowing has made her, as my aunt always says, “the perfect child”.
While I call her “my unicorn,” I doubt she is the perfect child. She is, for one thing, stubborn. But we have been lucky and I am grateful our intuition has helped us.
As of late, however, I am beginning to worry that while that intuition may be serving us… could it also be hurting us?
You see, my daughter is now seventeen months old. And she RARELY talks.
Yes she babbles. She has said “momma” and “poppa” (and apparently says these a lot on the days when we leave her with a sitter). And it is adorable when we ask her what a lion, dog, owl, cat or monkey says and she responds with the appropriate roar, woof, hoo, meow, or ooh ooh ooh.
But, when asked to talk on command. She WON’T. Rather she sits and stares at my husband or I.
Now mind you, I’m not worried that she has a hearing issue or is delayed and doesn’t comprehend what we are saying. Like I said, she has demonstrated comprehension… from (on her terms) making animal sounds, touching her body parts (she knows her belly, feet, nose, mouth, eyes and ears), showing us items when asked… she just WON’T talk. Remember I mentioned she was stubborn? And that stare she gives my husband and I is laden with a smirk that drips with the thought, “I’m NOT your puppet.”
In those moments, I’m frustrated. Probably from being tired. But then when I sit back and think about it, I ask myself, “Why would she talk when she knows my husband and I understand her without words?” With telepathy she doesn’t have to expend the energy and she is, after all, able to get her point across. It is this thought that leads me to wonder if our intuition is getting in the way.
Being able to think her desires to us works right now, within the confines of our walls and even when she is watched by my mom and my aunt – they are intuitive too, after all! Even our stand-by sitters are all intuitive and have stated that they are amazed at how easily Baby Girl communicates what she wants. But what happens when she goes off into the world outside of our safe little bubble? Not everyone is going to be able it intuit what she wants or what she means. And, what happens if because she doesn’t vocalize she doesn’t learn the speech patterns? Could she end up needing speech therapy? All the thoughts and worries that run through a first time mother’s head.
Unfortunately, short of shutting down the entire family’s intuition, all I can do is to continue to coax her to develop her language.
I’m sure, soon enough, I’ll be wishing I didn’t coax her and that she would have remained quiet for a little longer – remember, I mentioned she was stubborn? I think there is a little sass in there as well.
Something that I have found amazing over the years is the amount of faith, trust and belief people put in me and what I do. Despite the fact my profession could be considered questionable, I rarely encounter an individual who is suspicious of my motives. I attribute that to me being comfortable in my skin, attempting to always be authentic, and most importantly… I don’t shove my beliefs upon others.
Unfortunately, not all people in my field have the same restraint. I was witness to the unsolicited shoving of ideals upon another the other day. It made me cringe.
My dear friend and her husband were looking for oils and/or crystals to assist him in healing. You see, a couple years ago he sustained an injury while on the job and hasn’t been right since. He’s seen MANY doctors. Undergone MANY treatments and procedures. NOTHING has worked. And he recently received a diagnosis with the prognosis of it being unlikely he will ever be the same again.
Seeing her husband in constant pain and unwilling to accept that nothing else can be done, my open-minded friend is exploring alternative solutions. To say her husband is skeptical of these alternative solutions would be an understatement, yet he humors her (not that he really has any choice).
Knowing my familiarity with the holistic world and at a loss of where to begin with alternative treatments, a few weeks ago my friend asked my opinion. Knowing her husband’s stubbornness and skepticism, and worrying some options would leave him thinking it was all a bunch of hooey, I recommended things like acupuncture, cranial sacral massage and oils. All things he could plainly see and feel, with the thought that he could eventually have Reiki, BioGenesis, Qi Gong or some other form of energetic healing.
With that in mind, my friend brought her husband and I to a spiritual store to pick up some of the items we discussed. While there, she asked my opinions. Overhearing the conversation, the shopkeeper appropriately jumped in and began offering advice such as, “Why not smell the oils, you’ll know what’s right and what’s not from that” and “Let me see what I can find to give you a little more insight.”
It was at that point another patron butted into the conversation as well. She asked questions as to what was wrong and (without hearing the whole story) started giving her advice. Very quickly it became clear she was not a fan of traditional medicine AND she was a Reiki practitioner.
It also became clear my friend’s husband was shutting down. He didn’t want to be in the store to begin with, now he was receiving advice from someone who didn’t know him or what he had been through! Advice, by the way, that was basically telling him to “think your pain away.” Surgery hadn’t helped. The pain pills weren’t helping. He crossed his arms and began to back away from the woman who was speaking and towards the door.
Seeing her husband’s reaction and fearing she was going to lose any interest he had in alternative solutions, my friend said to the woman on numerous occasions, “Yes... we plan on trying that. But, small steps.”
Unfortunately, the woman was oblivious and just kept pushing energy healing, specifically Reiki.
Now mind you, I appreciate the woman’s enthusiasm and beliefs. And, I admire her ability to sell herself and her services. But, there is a fine line between being confident and informational and being pushy to the point of obnoxious. In my opinion she unfortunately crossed that line, likely without even knowing it.
What she also likely didn’t realize, is they both lost all faith in her and it is highly unlikely they would go to her for a treatment. She would have been better to listen, than speak. And educate by answering questions, rather than preaching.
I was raised with the adage, “Don’t talk about money, politics or religion and you won’t offend anyone.” And, that is what I try to do. Of the three, the only one I feel passionate about is religion/spirituality. But, living by this adage, I don’t talk about my beliefs unless asked. When I do talk about them – I make sure it is clear that they are MY opinion. I don’t force them upon anyone. And, I think that’s why people honor my opinion. I wish others in the field saw this. But alas, we all come to realizations in our own time.
To help people come to this realization, or if you find yourself preaching a belief, I encourage you to pause or ask them to pause and listen. You’ll be amazed what you find out by doing that.
Dawn Lynn is an EveryDay medium. She lives and breathes via her intuition, which as a fourth generation intuitive from a family of Spiritualists came easily. Her abilities became apparent in early childhood and were cultured by a supportive family. Through her Blogs and Vlogs, she wants to help you become the EveryDay medium too.